Sailing Ships

The man in yellow is a sailor looking at his fish (he dos'nt look at ships anymore).




This ship has blue sails and ignores traffic lights.

Disguise

One of my hobbies is to be a Master Of Disguise. Here the lion dos'nt get me because I look like a tree.

Spiders

This is me in The Land Of The Spiders where I've fallen and am trapped, then I hit them with my deckchair.

Poem

Spider
**WHACK WHACK**
Fishing nets
**WHACK WHACK**

Circle

Here I am relaxing in The Circle Of Consciousness where my mind does something (I don't know what it is).





Then this happens. It feels like I'm wearing a clip-on planet and riding a melon bare-back to the shop (but looks different). What happens in the shop is a secret.

Throw It

**THROW OUT THE WINDOW** (hit wall).





**THROW AT MEDITERRANEAN VEGETABLES** (I don't know what they are).





**THROW OUT THE WINDOW** (hit neck).

Looking At The 5th Dimension

The Byrds are a good band but they don't look like a cuckoo or a cockatoo.

Favourite Band

This is my favourite band. They did'nt seem to say much and just looked past me, maybe they were having a battery-acid trip.

Lion

This is me running away from a lion (I'm hidden under my parasol and my deckchair legs go *clicketty clicketty clicketty*).

Leonardo

I bought one of his sketchbooks and coloured it in with my pencils (in two minutes). I've posted it to Leonardo da Vinci to see what he thinks.

Invisible

I'm being shown how to draw invisible pictures in the air. Here he's using a quick cross-hatch technique.

Ghosts

This is me thinking about ghosts and wondering what they look like.

T-Shirt

They did'nt have this one in my size, but I bought it anyway.

Behind Me

If you look closely you will notice a big drunk woman behind me. There were also big drunk men further behind (maybe it was a party).

Curvy Sky

This is an example of a street with a curvy sky and suns hanging from it (they might be moons, I'm not sure).

Hiding

Here I'm trying to hide when suddenly this happened. I like the way my parasol matches the colour of the T-shirt.

My Night Out

This happened in this order i.e.... egg... e.g. the top picture in this post is the first one, and the bottom one is the last one.





Before leaving for a good night out, I need to look in The Bendy Mirror and play air-guitar, but on this occasion I could'nt find it (the mirror, not the air-guitar).





I saw the moon on my way out and deciced not to throw my deckchair at it.





This is me approachng the club and looking forward to a drink.





When I got inside, everyone was having a staring competition.





On my way to the bar, this person got wedged under the ceiling (and a vampire bit him).





This is me on my way to the bar again (and the vampire bites his nails).





My head was spinning, but I won a drink competition with the person on the right.





The prize was a free taxi home, but I ignored it (and the moon). I did'nt want to be contolled by them.

Historical Dream

I had a dream about History once and this is what it looks like with my words and pictures...


'KING ANCIENT'

"Book written by old Balenuts
On clip-on crill
Cook Wortleberries (not Wartleberries) near
Clip-on head

(Duck ducky) nut-berries for King Ethelred's
Clip-on dinner


King Fatsocks again
Up a pip."

Looking

I tried to do what the badge said, but the building had a roof. Balls are looking too.

Shop

Here's me sailing a boat over a shop counter (I landed in talismans).

In Till

Sight-seeing is important to me. Here I've popped out for a quick look.

Looks Real

Sometimes I wear my wig (which looks real) because it's difficult for me to grow hair. I said to this man he should get a haircut like mine.

Important

Here I am having an important discussion about World Religious Relations and what it means for eggs.

Egg Light Rights

I have written a letter to the Primeminister because there are no traffic lights for eggs (there is'nt a red one or a green one).

Hair

I like hair and also like to stand on it. Can you see where I am in this picture?

Cuckoo Clocks

My dreams are full of it. This poem is about one.

"A cuckoo clock shop
Is full of cuckoos
(And) that's where they all live
They're not cockatoos
In a cuckoo clock shop
Because that's where cuckoos give
(Nuts to a cuckoo
Not a cockatoo)."

The diagram above explains this (without nuts).

Perspective

Here I'm asking why the miniature bottles of spirits are so small, and then I'm being told it's because they're so far away.

Building

This is me in charge of The Yellow Machine. My friend's hammer has accidently gone out the window, and we're watching it go.

Hobbies

One of my favourite hobbies is to get drunk then roll about in a puddle and do a big piss up a wall. This shows what it looks like.

Talk To The Animals

I'm from the countryside originally, and have knowledge about it. Here I'm talking about life to the squirrels.

Whooosh

This is when I sneezed.

The Knack

Here I cast an amorous glance at a waitress. I'm a big flirt sometimes, but like they say.. if you've got it FLAUNT IT!

Books

This person introduced me to an author. He could'nt stand up because he had a knocked knee he got from Writer's Block.

Technology

This man is showing me an electric book. I said 'Wow!' and he said 'No, that's my finger.. look over there.'

Around And About

This man works in a supermarket and he moves things from where they were the previous day and puts them somewhere else. Here he explains to me why he does it (he's a sadest).




This is a good example of a cobbled street which comes from the past yet still here. In the North of England there are many and I like them. Hit The North! Here I'm checking the cobbles are in the right places.




Sometimes I like to sit back and just watch the world go by (like Otis Redding who sat on the dock of the bay). In this case, someone is watching me watching him as he goes by.

SUPER-HERO (Illustration Friday)

My Super-Hero is HELLCAT because She's hairy and says things I don't understand. She is advertizing for assistants, and this is my application to be one of Her Chosen Decimals. I think my name is suitable (she says it is'nt). I'm not a Cat but I can wear a hairy sock if it helps.

I've written a poem about Hellcat..

"Through the chairs and
More chicken talks
(cluck cluck)
Not singing or dancing.

See all chickens
Hair walks clucky
(And) singing and dancing
Without one."

I drew the above picture of Hellcat too.

Got To Keep On Rising

This is how I became to be what I am today...

I was lucky enough to be made by a chicken that lived in the countryside. When young, we roamed and ranged freely with other eggs amongst various types of nature, such as cows and fields and a cuckoo. Then one morning a sorcerer arrived with a saucepan full of water and took me away in it. His name was Arkan Barkum and he had chosen me for a mysterious intention which would change my life forever.

He carried me in the saucepan back to his house and put on a Doors album, it was the first time I'd heard them. Then he switched on the cooker and put the pan on it, which made everything warm. Next he sprinkled something secret onto the water e.g... egg... i.e. a secret. The Doors started to play 'L.A. Woman' as the water around me bubbled and fizzed quickly. Arkan Barkum joined in with the song and stamped his feet to the beat as Jim Morrison sang about a mojo rising. The sorcerer stared at me seriously as he began to chant in an extreme manner...
"Mr Boiled Egg risiiinnng... Mr Boiled Egg risiinnng..." etc etc.

Technicolour hippy steam rose up from the saucepan, and his knees went up higher and higher as he stamped his feet. Then he held out his arms as his voice growled louder and louder...
"Got to keep on risiiinnnng... BOILED EGG RISIIINNNNG." Strange and wonderful things happened inside me as I bobbled in the bubbles, and suddenly the saucepan began to spin around... round and around it went... with swirling coloured steam pulsating to the beat of The Doors.

The sorcerer's voice turned into a manic shout which went faster as his arms started to slowly rise into the air...
"BOILED EGG RAH ZEE!... RAH ZEE RAAH ZEEE!!... GOTT-TURR KEEEP ON RAAH ZEEE!!!... RAAARRGGHH ZEEE RAAAARRRRGGGH DEEE!!!!" (I thought he'd gone mad). "RRAAAAARRRRGGGHHH DEEEE... RAAAAAARRRRGGGHH DEEE... UUURRRRGGGHH... WWWWOOOOOOO... WHHOOAAAAAHH... YYYAAAYYY... WOOOOOOOO...!!!!!!" Suddenly I shot out of the pan and through the roof... high up into the blue yonder... then landed in a deckchair in the back garden.
"YEAH!" I shouted.

I've never been the same since then, because this experience gave me the willpower to go sight-seeing and relax. This is how I became to be what I am today.


See colour photo above, which was taken by Arkan Barkum just before I took off.