Ghosts Are Real

This photo shows what an Australian ghost looks like and proves they exist and that they are nearly as scary as living Australians. It said...

"Gidday yer pommie cobba bastard, I don't wanna piss in yer pocket but it's been hard yakka since I karked and I ain't no Fred nerk I'm fair dinkum and full as a boot."
"Pardon?" I said.
"Yeah I can't hop into the grub for a snag any more and me apricots are jaked but I hav'nt seen any white pointers anyway phwwooaaahhh I just cut the dog in half and ripped me freckle..." etc etc.

It was speaking an unusual language and had a ballon and pisses 'amber' whilst it flies around.

My New World

Today I found some new planets in town, then I decided to live on one on a part-time basis. I'm going to call it Boris and visit it when I need a break.

Here I'm telling Boris that I control it now and I will be sight-seeing and relaxing occasionally.

"I'M ON TOP OF THE WORRRRLLLLLD AND IT'S ALL MINE!!!!

I CONTROL BORIS!!!!"

Ginger Rage

'Hello," I said "I like your face."




"I thought it was a ginger biscuit. Some people call them ginger nuts, I expect you've seen them."




"I imagine you like a big ginger beer sometimes.. Oh well I better go now, I need to buy some ginger-bread men."

I can't seem to talk to some people these days without upsetting them.

Teapot Power

I was looking at a sign that was looking at me.




"Hello here there and everywhere," said a voice behind me.
"Teapot Me it's you!" I replied.
"I want you to know," he continued "that I want to talk and say to you and tell you something by saying it to you when I'm talking."
"Oh good."




"I will demonstrate what Teapot Power is capable of by saying the Special Words," he said.
"Hurry up then," I replied.




"BRING THE POWER OUT
STUFF IT UP A SPOUT
BLOW IT IN THE AIR
STUFF IT EVERYWHERE!!!" he shouted. "Now, look at the sign and see what it says."




"That is a wonderful power, Teapot Me!" I exclaimed.
"Yes it is mighty indeed. Now I must rest for a day and a night.. farewell," and he was gone. I went inside and shouted "TEAPOT POWER!!!" and kept doing what the sign said until they threw me out.

Emergency

I don't fly any more because the last time I did the stewardess said to me..
"I can make your seat higher." But I thought she said "I have started a fire."
"OH NO!!" I replied.
I decided the best thing to do was open the door and fly away, so I did.

I could only fly downwards and I crashed through the roof of the Accident & Emergency Egg Hospital, which was lucky except my deckchair was bent.

In The Sky

I was relaxing on holiday a couple of weeks ago, minding my own business, when I noticed something in the sky that had someone in it.
"Hello BoiledEggInADeckchair," it said.
"Hello'" I replied.
"I am The Keeper of The Gateway of Wishes."
"Oh."
"Answer three questions correctly and you win a wish that I will grant you."
"Get stuffed."
"The first question is, what do you do when you are very hungry?"
"Get stuffed."
"Correct. What does a chicken do before it goes in the oven?"
"Get stuffed."
"Correct. If you were a rabbit-hole and a fat rabbit walked in, what would you do?"
"Get stuffed."
"Correct. You have won a wish, what is it you want me to do for you?"
"Get stuffed."
"Very well I shall, farewell."
"AT LAST!!!"